A CHICKEN STORY

"Late again!" the third-grade teacher sternly said to little Ranger.
"It ain’t my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this ‘un on my Daddy. The reason I’m three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!"
Now, Miss Russell had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Ranger what he meant by that. Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Ranger and trouble were old friends,…… but he always told her the truth.
"You see, Miss Russell, out at the farm we got this here low down fox. The last few nights, he done ate six hens. Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his double barreledshot gun and said to my Ma, "That fox is back again… I’m a gonna git him!” "Stay back," Daddy whispered to all us kids!
"My Daddy was naked as a jaybird — no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then, he stuck that double-barreled 12-gauge shot gun through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with a fox on his mind, our old hound dog, Rip, had done gone and woke up and comes sneaking up behind Daddy. Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Rip done went and stuck his cold nose in my Daddy’s crack!"
"Miss Russell, we all been cleanin’ chickens since three o’clock this mornin!"

FBI Warning

WARNING : After a recent wave of identity thefts, the FBI estimates there are over 500 fictitious Obamacare websites set up for the sole purpose of stealing your personal information.

So protect yourself and remember: the real website is the one that doesn’t work.

This was in the Waco Tribune Herald, Waco , TX

This must have been written by some heartless "Republican"…..

"IF YOU CAN’T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER,YOU’VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM" WRITTEN BY A 21 YEAR OLD FEMALE. Wow, this girl has a great plan! Love the last thing she would do the best.

This was written by a 21 yr. old female who gets it. It’s her future she’s worried about and this is how she feels about the social welfare big government state that she’s being forced to live in! These solutions are just common sense in her opinion.

This was in the Waco Tribune Herald, Waco , TX

PUT ME IN CHARGE . . .

Put me in charge of food stamps. I’d get rid of Lone Star cards; no cash for Ding Dongs or Ho Ho’s, just money for 50-pound bags of rice and beans, blocks of cheese and all the powdered milk you can haul away. If you want steak and frozen pizza, then get a job.

Put me in charge of Medicaid. The first thing I’d do is to get women Norplant birth control implants or tubal ligations. Then, we’ll test recipients for drugs, alcohol, and nicotine. If you want to reproduce or use drugs, alcohol, or smoke, then get a job.
Put me in charge of government housing. Ever live in a military barracks? You will maintain our property in a clean and good state of repair. Your "home" will be subject to inspections anytime and possessions will be inventoried. If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360, then get a job and your own place.

In addition, you will either present a check stub from a job each week or you will report to a "government" job. It may be cleaning the roadways of trash, painting and repairing public housing, whatever we find for you. We will sell your 22-inch rims and low profile tires and your blasting stereo and speakers and put that money toward the "common good."

Before you write that I’ve violated someone’s rights, realize that all of the above is voluntary. If you want our money, accept our rules. Before you say that this would be "demeaning" and ruin their "self esteem," consider that it wasn’t that long ago that taking someone else’s money for doing absolutely nothing was demeaning and lowered self esteem.

If we are expected to pay for other people’s mistakes we should at least attempt to make them learn from their bad choices. The current system rewards them for continuing to make bad choices.

I love this one.
AND While you are on Gov’t subsistence, you no longer can VOTE! Yes, that is correct. For you to vote would be a conflict of interest. You will voluntarily remove yourself from voting while you are receiving a Gov’t welfare check. If you want to vote, then get a job.

Now, if you have the guts – PASS IT ON…I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO GET THIS BACK, IF EVERYONE SENDS IT, I WILL GET OVER 220 BACK!!! I WOULD KNOW YOU SENT IT ON!!!

WHAT would YOU do ?

New Ultra HD TV. Such a good picture you could mistake it for a window….

Real unsuspecting interviewees….What would YOU have done? Watch the "window".

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Christian Cartoons – Funny!

Thanks to reverendfun.com for their comic strips!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little John the Baptist

Matt..18:4-5
“Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
And who ever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. ”

Johnny’s Mother looked out the window and noticed him “playing church” with their cat.

He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it. She smiled and went about her work. A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back To the open window to see Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water.

She called out, “Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!”

Johnny looked up at her and said, “He should have thought about that before he joined my church.”

Send this to someone who needs a laugh today and remember: Knowing scripture can save your life – in more ways than one!

Have a great day! Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death…

Knee Defender

http://www.gadgetduck.com/goods/kneedefender.html

Wonder if it has started any in flight arguments or even fights ???
Knee Defender - The Travel Gadget

They even provide a lovely card to inform the person in front of you why he is being screwed out of reclining his seat:

Please Do Not Recline Your Seat

I have provided you with this card because I have long legs and if you recline your seat you will bang into my knees.

I realize that it can be nice to recline one’s seat, but I hope you would agree with me that it should not be done at the expense of crushing someone else’s knees – especially if this risk is known from the outset. Therefore, in order to avoid injuring me in the process, I would appreciate it if you would not recline your seat.

If you believe that this is an inconvenience for you – and I realize that it may be – then please complain to the airline so that they might be inspired to provide a solution.

Thank you. Have a nice flight.

YOUR FELLOW PASSENGER

This Courtesy Card™ provided courtesy of GadgetDuck.com